Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
