youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
He literally asked permission to hit on me
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
