My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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