Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
