ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
