So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Randomize
