chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
MIDGETS
????
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
