Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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