She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
