i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
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