next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
