He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
