"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
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I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
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Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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