you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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