are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
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