Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
