He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
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