I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
He keeps bees of course he's weird
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
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