is your mom at the bar?
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
