I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
