nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
