How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Randomize
