I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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