Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
