I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
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