a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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