ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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