ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
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