So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
