remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
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