I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
