He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
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You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
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I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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