He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Randomize
