So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Randomize
