hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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