Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
