how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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