Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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