Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
