we were pretty classy up until the second keg
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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