There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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