sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
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