I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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