No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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