A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
