i always forget guys have bellybuttons
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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