Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
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