pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
