He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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