shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
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