I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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