Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Randomize
