its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
