did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
A+ Viking dick
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize
