What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
