Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
