he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
