Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
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