come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Randomize
