oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
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