Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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