i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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