Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize
