you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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