DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
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