I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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